I don't think you could 'think yourself' into a different personality, because that would be unadaptive for survival. Your reward structure (what makes you tick) is fixed, it is just the strategies that can be learned.
> I call bologna on that, we can change anything.
As you said, you grew up with a snippy and grouchy mother, and you were snippy and grouchy yourself. Then, in a different context, you stopped being snippy and grouchy and you were still OK.
My conclusion is that you haven't changed, what changed was the context. First you were a child dealing with his s&g mother, then you were a parent responsible for his children. Context activates or inactivates parts of personality, like a colored cloth shines through a diamond sitting on it - the color doesn't come from the diamond itself.
My theory about personality is that it has an "active" part and a "dormant" part, which change depending on context. Each context (usually each person you are dealing with) activates a different subset of your personality. Some people bring the worst in you, other people bring the best. With some you don't like yourself, with others you love yourself.
Besides context, personality appears to change with improved self-knowledge - as you age, you encounter more situations that shine light on your personality, as conditioned by the external context. You still have the same personality, but you know it better.
The best way to control your personality is to control your external interactions and know yourself, not to force yourself to be different. Change context, change personality.
>My conclusion is that you haven't changed, what changed was the context. First you were a child, then you were a parent.
Yes, but I was crappy parent for 10 years, not just a short time. I raised a daughter to adulthood poorly, and I have regretted it and have had to make amends.
So context didn't change at all. What changed was I saw the future of a family that treated each other badly, and I was so desperate for that not to happen, I was able to change myself. I had to change how I treated people, and then they changed around me.
Also, I can confirm with full confidence that when my wife and I were first together, I was not grumpy and snippy. She told me that was one of the things she really liked about me, was how calm and reasonable I was.
Perhaps, the family part coming along could be considered a context change as kids came into the picture, the stresses of life, etc... and this brought out the "dormant" grouchy person.
But I have found that every person has a limit. Everyone can go crazy, turn crabby, or become mean and selfish under the right circumstances. But not everyone will fight against it.
> I don't think you could 'think yourself' into a different personality, because that would be unadaptive for survival
Rigid world views, reactions and motivational structures are maladaptive in human society because they leave their hosts vulnerable to manipulation by more flexible people.
> I call bologna on that, we can change anything.
As you said, you grew up with a snippy and grouchy mother, and you were snippy and grouchy yourself. Then, in a different context, you stopped being snippy and grouchy and you were still OK.
My conclusion is that you haven't changed, what changed was the context. First you were a child dealing with his s&g mother, then you were a parent responsible for his children. Context activates or inactivates parts of personality, like a colored cloth shines through a diamond sitting on it - the color doesn't come from the diamond itself.
My theory about personality is that it has an "active" part and a "dormant" part, which change depending on context. Each context (usually each person you are dealing with) activates a different subset of your personality. Some people bring the worst in you, other people bring the best. With some you don't like yourself, with others you love yourself.
Besides context, personality appears to change with improved self-knowledge - as you age, you encounter more situations that shine light on your personality, as conditioned by the external context. You still have the same personality, but you know it better.
The best way to control your personality is to control your external interactions and know yourself, not to force yourself to be different. Change context, change personality.