I think a better way to put it is "trying to find flaws" vs "trying to understand".
If your goal is to understand, you can explicitly state or show it preemptively. "I'm trying to understand X." "My current understanding is XYZ. Right?" (Note, trying to find flaws has its place as well, but it's more touchy)
Most important is the concept of safety as defined in Crucial Conversations. I would be willing to go into very thorny conversation as long as it feels safe. Safety is fundamentally based on mutual purpose and mutual respect.
>The intention is invisible
If the intention is important, then make it visible. "I'm trying to understand this system and want to make sure it is as reliable as possible". I would then be much more willing to go into such a conversation (assuming I believe you and agree that reliability is indeed important)
Most important is the concept of safety as defined in Crucial Conversations. I would be willing to go into very thorny conversation as long as it feels safe. Safety is fundamentally based on mutual purpose and mutual respect.
>The intention is invisible
If the intention is important, then make it visible. "I'm trying to understand this system and want to make sure it is as reliable as possible". I would then be much more willing to go into such a conversation (assuming I believe you and agree that reliability is indeed important)