I realize this is a humor article, but I don't think it's very funny (except perhaps the part about business stock photos). I mean, I have none of these feelings that corporate headshots make subjects "end up looking like well-dressed hostages".
They're just photos of people in suits. What would you expect them to look like? You could write this same article about virtually any photographic portraits of humans. Just feels like an author trying to be "edgy" by blowing up his own preconceived notions in a way that doesn't reflect reality.
Even saying they're in suits is a bit of a stretch. Here is a semi-random sampling of some "old school" megacorps. They all just look like normal headshots to me. What is the author of this piece expecting, jazz hands?
I remember seeing a corporate email sent from the company KnowBe4 (security training, simulated phishing emails, etc). The email contained a headshot of some guy in a suit. I remember pointing out to someone else that this guy was not a computer security expert. When asked how I knew, I said "Security experts don't wear suits".
This is when I looked up who the guy in the email actually was. It was the company CEO. You can see his picture here: https://www.knowbe4.com/about-us/
They're just photos of people in suits. What would you expect them to look like? You could write this same article about virtually any photographic portraits of humans. Just feels like an author trying to be "edgy" by blowing up his own preconceived notions in a way that doesn't reflect reality.