I don't like the defense I'm seeing here of "Oh, we're not talking about outright sexists, just equal-opportunity jackasses. Therefore, the claims of a sexist environment don't hold".
I've worked with very few outright sexists/racists/whatever-ists in tech (and judging by this discussion, they definitely exist, they're loud, but the vast majority of us have a consensus as to what we think of them). But I've worked with a large number of people (and occasionally/regretfully have ventured into this group myself) who can be described as "equal opportunity jackasses".
The reality is this - the damage of being an "equal opportunity asshole" is felt more strongly by marginalized groups. When a white male is mistreated by $jackass, the thought process goes like: "$jackass is being a jackass to me.". When a member of $marginalized_group is mistreated by said jackass, the thought process is: "$jackass is being a jackass to me. Is it because I'm a member of $marginalized_group?" and every future interaction with that person is tinged with that thought process: "I'm still $marginalized_group... Is $jackass going to be a jackass to me?" The motivation of the jackass is irrelevant - they creates a space where the negativity falls more heavily on marginalized groups - that is, behavior that isn't overtly discriminatory creates a space that is.
Can we please try being nice to each other for a change? Not just because it creates a more inclusive environment, but because it creates one that's a whole lot healthier for all of us. We in tech idolize a whole lot of people who can probably be described as equal opportunity assholes (Jobs, Bezos, and Torvalds immediately jump to mind), but really - let's look at what our words and actions are doing to each other. I don't think there's a single one of us here who isn't guilty of this at some point - and I don't think any of us can promise never to be a jackass in the future. But let's not call it a mark of honor -- or behavior to be imitated. If you're being a jackass, don't justify it. Apologize for it. And try to do better in the future.
I've worked with very few outright sexists/racists/whatever-ists in tech (and judging by this discussion, they definitely exist, they're loud, but the vast majority of us have a consensus as to what we think of them). But I've worked with a large number of people (and occasionally/regretfully have ventured into this group myself) who can be described as "equal opportunity jackasses".
The reality is this - the damage of being an "equal opportunity asshole" is felt more strongly by marginalized groups. When a white male is mistreated by $jackass, the thought process goes like: "$jackass is being a jackass to me.". When a member of $marginalized_group is mistreated by said jackass, the thought process is: "$jackass is being a jackass to me. Is it because I'm a member of $marginalized_group?" and every future interaction with that person is tinged with that thought process: "I'm still $marginalized_group... Is $jackass going to be a jackass to me?" The motivation of the jackass is irrelevant - they creates a space where the negativity falls more heavily on marginalized groups - that is, behavior that isn't overtly discriminatory creates a space that is.
Can we please try being nice to each other for a change? Not just because it creates a more inclusive environment, but because it creates one that's a whole lot healthier for all of us. We in tech idolize a whole lot of people who can probably be described as equal opportunity assholes (Jobs, Bezos, and Torvalds immediately jump to mind), but really - let's look at what our words and actions are doing to each other. I don't think there's a single one of us here who isn't guilty of this at some point - and I don't think any of us can promise never to be a jackass in the future. But let's not call it a mark of honor -- or behavior to be imitated. If you're being a jackass, don't justify it. Apologize for it. And try to do better in the future.