This is a hostile environment, nobody can have a rational conversation about this without burning a lot karma (of which you have more to spare).

Nobody here except those that have those experiences has anything useful to say about non-cis gender identity. Possibly also psychiatrists/psychologists not married to a particular ideology on the topic. From my admittedly few conversations with transgendered people, it's complicated and there are no easy answers to what precisely it is.

Part of the problem is you're using "delusional" stigmatically, which damns you and poisons the conversation.