I might have an impostor syndrome at work. And I am somewhat anxious about it. And I feel like it decreases my performance by quite a bit. And luckily, my managers understand it and are very supportive of me.
However, I have a question (and this is going meta). Maybe my managers are too understanding about it. Sometimes I wish they give me a harder time, and feel like I don't get reprimanded for failure enough and strangely, it exacerbates the feeling of being an impostor.
It's not like I would enjoy being wrong or beaten up for it, it's just sometimes I feel like I can afford being somewhat lazy because of that, and I don't think that's right. So I am not sure I entirely agree with the recommendation of the article.
Or to reword it as a question: Cannot the positive thinking actually hurt the person having an impostor syndrome?
Maybe we are all impostors, and I just happen to be the one most suited for the task.
I have struggled with impostor syndrome throughout my life - it doesn’t help that my 35 years to date look like a smacked out Mary Sue fantasy. In my previous business I often felt like I was pulling the wool over the eyes of the world - what right did I have to lead these people, to charge those people, to make these decisions?
Well, none, and neither does anyone else.
Through my dealings with other business owners, from small outfits through to the gods of the world of commerce, I have come to realise that everybody in any position of power or responsibility is faking it to some degree or another - or even more interestingly, they believe they are faking it, even when the results are tangible and real. I often find just talking to other people in a similar position really helps, as you rapidly realise that not only is what you’re feeling not unique, it is practically a universal maxim.
Where I ended up was concluding that we are all wittingly or unwittingly impostors, and the only actual question is whether it’s something worth being bothered by.
It’s the unwitting impostors you have to keep an eye on - hubris and incompetence are a dangerous combination.
Being aware of your own limitations brings humility, which is good in that it imbues striving, through which you grow your limits.
In short, we are all impostors. Being aware of and treating this as a law of being is a useful step in understanding both yourself and how to optimally operate the world in which we live.
People will agree to almost anything which makes them feel like less of an impostor.
I think imposter syndrome is an inevitable consequence of a competitive labour environment. People like to call this kind of environment "meritocracy", but since "merit" is not something objective that can be measured effectively, the reality is we compete on our ability to convince others we have "merit".
And since we are forced to compete for work, we feel the need to present the best possible version of ourselves, which is inevitably just slightly beyond the level of "merit" we perceive ourselves as actually having. I believe this disconnect is the main cause of imposter syndrome.
I think it's also the cause of so much bullshit in business environments. Since labour relations are fundamentally antagonistic, people feel unable to communicate problems or inefficiencies for fear that it will reflect badly on them. Especially when that problem is "I am not good at doing this task". Workplaces try to introduce blame free cultures to avoid this, but they will always struggle, because a business relationship is necessarily judgemental.
And I don't think there's an easy way to fix this without challenging the idea, entrenched in so much of our economic and political discussion, that competition will always produce the best results.
@aninhumer, thank you, this was a very insightful post. I often ponder the "perception of value" effect in my workplace and how much influence it has. In addition, for me, it was a realization that accountability requires recorded decision making outcomes and that accountability must be applied consistently across 100% of an organization including the CEO and directors. Because of this realization (and that implementation is highly unlikely to occur due to the requirement that top level decision makers adhere) it was a clarification in why "perception of value" is often more important than evaluating actual value to an organization. Even though an organization may think it's evaluating actual value.
Oh, I wholeheartedly agree, and as far as I’m concerned, the reality is unsettling. In business, as I said, I found the leaders of mighty businesses to be often dangerously clueless - the larger the org the easier systemic inertia and process make it to hide at the top - in politics, the dunces of my year at school now sit in parliament.
Yes, this is purely my observation, but I’ve had a broad and global sample pool - and I inhabit a world in which almost everything is smoke and mirrors - yet I find these precepts serve me well, and the decisions and actions I make and take within this worldview produce expected results against the hypothesis.
Part of me just wants to hide under a rock - but we’ve muddled along this far, so on it goes.
That's also one hypothesis of why people are prone to believe in conspiracy theories: the alternative to believing in some malevolent force controlling everything towards some ultimate end goal is that no one is really in control and stuff just kind of happens. Some people find the latter more disturbing.
I’ve always wondered ir airplane pilots feel the same. I mean, they are tested through and through, this should give them some confidence, I believe. But never spoke to one about it to confirm this assumption.
I had impostor syndrome for the first 6-12 months of a job that I felt lucky to get.
I struggled with some anxiety because of that.
However I have a pet theory that a lot of our internal perceptions don't tend to have a big impact on our behaviour. So I just kept chugging a long and gradually came to realize there was no issues with my performance, and the anxiety went away mostly.
Keep in mind there's always good days/weeks or bad days/weeks in terms of our actual performance. Sometimes I was horridly underproductive and I would have to make adjustments in improving my sleep, switching to decaf coffee, exercising more, etc.
Imposter syndrome is normal and expected. It negatively affecting your performance should not be considered normal, in my opinion. If anxiety from imposter syndrome (or anything else) is affecting your job performance, it's worth considering if an expert could help (e.g. chemically or with some kind of therapy).
And I don't mean it should be stigmatized. It's probably not even uncommon. But to me "normal" implies you accept it and don't try to change it.
Interesting. I don't know that I've felt imposter syndrome since my first year or two as a programmer. If this persists for a long time in to your career, yet you've received pay raises, promotions and positive feedback from your manager/colleagues, perhaps it is time to start questioning your belief that you don't belong. While I'm not sure if imposter syndrome is common, almost everyone holds beliefs about themselves that are either not true or that while true, are not useful and could be reframed in a way to be more useful. Most people don't question these beliefs, but we could all do ourselves a favor if we regularly questioned our self judgements a bit more.
>It's not like I would enjoy being wrong or beaten up for it, it's just sometimes I feel like I can afford being somewhat lazy because of that, and I don't think that's right.
I totally understand this. People live up to their expectations. I’ve felt this most often in competitive activities as I’ve moved up the skill ladder and started in a group just above me. Once you feel like everyone thinks you’re going to underperform, it’s all you can think about.
In any case, it always got better for me, so I’m sure you can overcome it as well.
I got hired on by a large corporation (who seemed desperate to make the hire, for reasons I can't fathom) and was placed on a team, I suspect without consulting the tech lead first. The guy seemed to start off with the assumption that I was an idiot and couldn't be trusted to do anything (and also that my presence was an inconvenience and that I wasn't needed).
I think that opinion has slowly begun to change (and the stuff we're doing here isn't hard, at all), but he did a pretty good job of getting me to hate him those first few months on the job, so I've been interviewing.
A deadpan answer but: lose the syndrom but still keep trying to achieve more.
It's often that you're not expected to do the "right thing" since the expector doesn't know the area well enough (i.e in software dev). The choice and risk are yours to take, and the better you get at this the better you really are.
How many managers do you have and what is their level of experience at managing direct reports? It's certainly possible for managers to do a poor job at conveying appropriate feedback, both by failing to give positive praise for good things and by pointing out failures and negative outcomes that you could have avoided.
If you feel like you're not being challenged, tell your manager! They may have decided you're doing "good enough" and aren't motivated to take it to the next level, but it sounds like you are. A strong manager/report relationship is one where the manager can sense when you have more in the tank and knows when to push and when to back off. If you don't have that relationship, start building it.
If you start reading management books you'll see that this is true. Most of them talk about how they're terrified of being found out but that this is okay, you'll grow into your role.
However, I have a question (and this is going meta). Maybe my managers are too understanding about it. Sometimes I wish they give me a harder time, and feel like I don't get reprimanded for failure enough and strangely, it exacerbates the feeling of being an impostor.
It's not like I would enjoy being wrong or beaten up for it, it's just sometimes I feel like I can afford being somewhat lazy because of that, and I don't think that's right. So I am not sure I entirely agree with the recommendation of the article.
Or to reword it as a question: Cannot the positive thinking actually hurt the person having an impostor syndrome?
Maybe we are all impostors, and I just happen to be the one most suited for the task.