As a guy who met a girl on OkCupid and married her, I found the author's list of faults in existing online dating systems to be rather puzzling. Most of them seem like a) perils of dating in general or b) perils of interacting online in general -- problems that may not be solved by Yet Another Dating Site.
> Fake pictures.
People always try to game the system, and the realm of dating is no exception. It's not unheard of to create a fake Facebook account for casual social engineering.
> Poor filtering.
My personal experience doesn't match with this but YMMV. OkCupid has rather good filtering using not only quantitative data (e.g. location, age range, tagged interests) but also more qualitative data (e.g. question system). I suppose Match.com was somewhat less effective.
> Can't tell who is actually interested.
That's dating for you. Also, being direct isn't creepy unless you're directly being creepy.
> Creating a profile is a huge pain.
Probably the most legitimate beef with online dating. I found OkCupid pretty straightforward and well-incentivized, but YMMV. I wonder how indicative someone's Facebook profile is, though, of what they offer in a relationship; plenty of people have profiles brimming with the minutiae of daily life instead of statements about their fundamental beliefs and desires.
> You may see someone you know.
This doesn't have to be a huge deal. I saw two of my friends on OkCupid, one of whom I was romantically involved with previously. We had a good laugh about it and moved on. Don't buy into the assumed social stigma of online dating -- it's not the end of the world for someone to know you're putting yourself out there.
> Data never disappears online.
I didn't know what to make of this point, honestly. Don't people just delete/archive/ignore old messages? Is there some concern that these become public knowledge?
> Rejection is painful, and there is more of it online.
As another commenter has said, dating is a numbers game. Online dating increases exposure to potential dates, so rejection increases -- though (based on my experience and those of friends who have also done online dating) roughly in proportion to what is experienced with in-person dating. There's always a point in dating where someone can get rejected; it can actually be liberating to have small rejections up front instead of big rejections down the road (for several reasons, not least of which is the lost opportunity cost of the failed relationship). No matter how much a site tries to shelter a user, it can't last forever. [ See also Rejection Therapy discussed on HN: http://www.hnsearch.com/search#request/all&q=rejection%2... ]
> It just feels juvenile.
OkCupid allows good flexibility in how you express yourself. The question system helps some people elaborate on topics that are particularly salient to their interests; other people are more comfortable writing short essays; still others are comfortable summing themselves up in a few bullet points. Also, on this count you've disregarded a crucial intermediate step between one's online profile and an in-person date: online messaging. The profile establishes interest, messaging confirms interest, in-person dates explore whether interest becomes a relationship.
krausejj, I'd be interested to know which sites you've used to reach your conclusions -- and, sincerely, best of luck refining the concept and creating a successful product.
I think OKCupid is a great service and I've heard of several people (like you) who've found success with it. My idea is meant to be another alternative - for people who haven't. Also, there is nothing wrong with being on multiple types of platforms if you're serious about finding someone - most people are.
In response to a few of your points:
1) It is very hard to fake a Facebook account. It's hard to get those 1000 friends and tacky drunk pictures from college.
2) OKCupid already does qualitative filtering ad nauseum - the efficacy is debatable but for someone who wants more objective filtering that they can understand and doesn't take a long time to implement, Circl.es could be better.
3) Rejection is part of the game, but it can be reduced by making sure that you're only considering people with whom you have a shot - allowing people to say "no" before you even see them, filtering both ways, and forcing people to make simple choices early on can reduce the pain.
To be honest, my biggest beef with OkCupid is the complexity. A new user coming the site can barely understand how it works - it takes time and a lot of work to use the system. The other day I had a friend join and I just typed okcupid.com/profile/his_name into my browser and pulled up his profile (I'm not a member of the site). He was horrified! I know they have privacy settings, but it takes time for new users to "get" this. Furthermore, I have personal doubts about whether personality matching really works - I think the depths of the human psyche might be a bit beyond computing.... but that's just my opinion.
Ultimately, OKCupid is a very cool site - many people love it. My site is different and, if it is successful, will have a different set of strengths in terms of matching people. If you weren't married I'd encourage you to at least Circl.es a trial run to see how different it is!
> Fake pictures. People always try to game the system, and the realm of dating is no exception. It's not unheard of to create a fake Facebook account for casual social engineering.
> Poor filtering. My personal experience doesn't match with this but YMMV. OkCupid has rather good filtering using not only quantitative data (e.g. location, age range, tagged interests) but also more qualitative data (e.g. question system). I suppose Match.com was somewhat less effective.
> Can't tell who is actually interested. That's dating for you. Also, being direct isn't creepy unless you're directly being creepy.
> Creating a profile is a huge pain. Probably the most legitimate beef with online dating. I found OkCupid pretty straightforward and well-incentivized, but YMMV. I wonder how indicative someone's Facebook profile is, though, of what they offer in a relationship; plenty of people have profiles brimming with the minutiae of daily life instead of statements about their fundamental beliefs and desires.
> You may see someone you know. This doesn't have to be a huge deal. I saw two of my friends on OkCupid, one of whom I was romantically involved with previously. We had a good laugh about it and moved on. Don't buy into the assumed social stigma of online dating -- it's not the end of the world for someone to know you're putting yourself out there.
> Data never disappears online. I didn't know what to make of this point, honestly. Don't people just delete/archive/ignore old messages? Is there some concern that these become public knowledge?
> Rejection is painful, and there is more of it online. As another commenter has said, dating is a numbers game. Online dating increases exposure to potential dates, so rejection increases -- though (based on my experience and those of friends who have also done online dating) roughly in proportion to what is experienced with in-person dating. There's always a point in dating where someone can get rejected; it can actually be liberating to have small rejections up front instead of big rejections down the road (for several reasons, not least of which is the lost opportunity cost of the failed relationship). No matter how much a site tries to shelter a user, it can't last forever. [ See also Rejection Therapy discussed on HN: http://www.hnsearch.com/search#request/all&q=rejection%2... ]
> It just feels juvenile. OkCupid allows good flexibility in how you express yourself. The question system helps some people elaborate on topics that are particularly salient to their interests; other people are more comfortable writing short essays; still others are comfortable summing themselves up in a few bullet points. Also, on this count you've disregarded a crucial intermediate step between one's online profile and an in-person date: online messaging. The profile establishes interest, messaging confirms interest, in-person dates explore whether interest becomes a relationship.
krausejj, I'd be interested to know which sites you've used to reach your conclusions -- and, sincerely, best of luck refining the concept and creating a successful product.